Tuesday, January 06, 2004

2003 Year End Reflection


It wasn’t the worst year I’ve had, but it wasn’t exactly the best either. I consider myself lucky for things like my job and our house in these uncertain economic times, but at the same time wages were frozen, which meant no raise this year. Keith and I had some personal setbacks. (I can’t talk about them in detail, since they concern the two of us.) It was nothing that we cannot make it through, but we will be dealing with them for a while. All I have to say is that I would hate to go through it alone. I think being here for each other has made us closer. I am grateful for things like the cats, comics, movies and music for keeping me sane. My job feels less than certain these days, moreso since one of my co-workers has proven to be the psycho-bitch from hell. I’ve never had to deal with someone that could create so many vicious lies about someone else. The only way I can deal with it is not to have any contact with this person at all. In a unit of five people, that’s not easy. My mother and I had a falling out in the summer. It was something that’s been a long time coming and is far from resolved, although for the moment we’ve settled into the routine of not talking about it. That’s not going to work for long, but I haven’t had the energy to broach the topic with her and I’ll have to be the one to do it. I won’t hear about it from her again, until she’ feels it’s advantageous for her to bring it up. 2003 was the year that I really started dealing with my depression. It’s scary to me to be taking anti-depressants. It’s scarier to think about having to take them for a long time. I went off them in the summer and plummeted hard, so they’ll be with me for a while. I’m more and more afraid all the time that I’m actually clinically depressed, and will need to take something for the rest of my life. I need to get some counseling to go with the meds, but haven’t been able to come to terms with that yet.

But there was much more good to 2003 than bad. We took some nice little trips together and saw some great shows. I bought some cool CD’s, saw good movies and read good books. I started blogging, which has led me to start doing some writing. Nothing heavy yet, just some notes, but I hope to actually crank out a story soon. With creating CD’s, I’ve actually started looking for creative outlets again after far too long. Slowly but surely, the house is coming around to the way we want it to be. Keith’s mom brought some great furniture in the spring. I coordinated two major events for work that went incredibly well. The newsletter I do has gotten some positive attention. (Now if I could just get that deadline issue under control.)

It wasn’t the worst year, but neither was it the best. If 2004 could be even slightly better, I’ll take it. If not, we’ll just keep plugging along. One thing I have learned, as corny as it may sound, is that there is no way to over state the importance of my family to me. Without Keith and the cats, I honestly don’t think I could make it.


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