Monday Rambles

All right folks, I guess it's time to crawl back up in the saddle.  I've gotten several sweet notes recently from many of you, so I need to let you know that I'm all right, for the most part.  Thanks so much for your concern, everyone.  I'm sorry to have made you worry.

I came back from Thanksgiving with a nasty cold, which has really only cleared up in the last three or four days.  I don't understand how I can be doing all these immune-boosting drugs and still get a cold, but I managed it.  That really slowed me down for a while, as I was only venturing out to do what had to be done, then coming home to my NyQuil coma.

The cold was bad enough, but I've also been going through some really hard bouts of fatigue.  This isn't at all like the bricks.  I could function with the bricks, albeit very slowly.  I'm going through periods now where I have no energy whatsoever.  Sometimes, I'll be in the middle of something and will just run out of steam all of a sudden.  Sometimes, I'm down for the count, but usually I can recover if I sit down for a while.  I kept getting swamped this way all through our visit to Arkansas. I spent most of the trip sleeping on one couch or another.

I'm also having these dizzy spells all the time.  Mostly, it's just a constant light-headed feeling. What my grandmother used to call "swimmy-headed."  I can deal with that, but sometimes it's really head-spinning dizzy, often with queasiness.

I have yet to have any of the digestive/intestinal issues, which concerns me a little.  These effects have been talked up so much that I am actually worried that the treatment isn't working because I don't have them.  I know that sounds really weird, but it kind of nags at me.  The other night I told Keith that I would feel so much better if I would throw up just one time.  That look you all most likely have right now after reading that is exactly the same one he gave me.

The booths are running okay, but I am behind on what I wanted to have dome this month.  I keep making plans like a healthy person, forgetting that it takes me twice as long to do everything right now.  I do have most of my Christmas out, and it is selling steadily.  I am almost at my sales total for last December, and I still have half the month to go! One thing I've been happy about is that I've kept my four digit sales total going, despite the diagnosis and everything.

The new store is doing a lot better too.  I made rent this month faster than I have before, which is a good sign.  My Christmas is grooving there as well.  My biggest problem there right now is getting it together to go work that booth.  The other store demands more time because it's a lot more space.  Everything would still be doable if I were operating at full steam.  As it is, I'm having to constantly reschedule store #2 in order to finish up the work for store #1.  All of a sudden, two-three weeks have gone by and I haven't been over there.  That's no way to grow a booth.

I've had to cut way back on my work hours,  I am down to five hours a week, which has bummed me out a bit. I really miss everyone there.  Some people I don't get to see at all ,because my hours are all in the evening now and they're gone by the time I get there.  This is really a life-altering thing. I'm not totally sure that I was fully aware of everything I was slogging through last time.  I have no idea how I kept going.  I have to stop by work this morning and drop something off.  It will be nice to visit a bit.

A long-time vendor has also been battling cancer.  It's been an on-again,off-again fight for years, and it just came back this year.  He's just been told that there may not be anything else they can do about it.  At the same time, a friend where I used to work just lost her husband to cancer.  When I left there four years ago, he was in remission and doing fine.  It's all done such a number on my head.  I don't know where I am emotionally sometimes.  I've had long talks about it with my brother and with Keith.  Some days I am fine,  while others I can't string a coherent thought together.

I had a lot of plans for blogging this December, but I think I'm going to put them on hold for next year.  Some days I really want to, but the words just aren't there.  Other times, the words are there, but the energy isn't.  Hell, even reading takes too much effort some days.  Been watching a lot of cartoons on YouTube instead.  Some things even cancer can't take away.

I was afraid that this post would go downhill fast.  Sorry about that.  If it's all too much of a downer, you don't have to finish it.  I realize that my depression is also coming on hard and fast right now.

Treatment number three is tomorrow.  A week from today, we are leaving for Chicago.  By the end of next week, we'll be married!  Come hell, high water, or cancer, we are getting married. I don't care if I am in a wheel chair.

I'll try to get some pics from Thanksgiving up this week, plus some more overdue junk finds.  It's going to depend on how I feel.  Here lately, when I start tiring, I start lopping things off the to do list.  Taking pics for the blog is always one of the first to go.  Sorry about that.