Showing posts with label Bennie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bennie. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Still Miss Someone

Found this one tucked in my Blogger drafts. Kind of fits my mood a little lately. I've been badly wanting to call Mom and talk to her about the new booth. She'd get a real kick out of it. This was the second birthday without a card from either parent. Some parts of getting older really suck.

There must be something about Fall that makes one think of lost loved ones. I think that must be why the All Hallow's/All Souls/All Saints/Dia de los Muertos traditions developed around this time of year.

We've had to turn the heat on a couple of times lately due to some chilly nights. Bennie always used to perk up when that happened. She'd wake up, sniff the air with her little nose twitching and make a beeline for a vent to lay on.

Fall is just not the same any more.


Monday, November 14, 2011

Monday Rambles

You know, it's amazing how much faster you can go on a bike when the tires are all aired up and the seat is at the right height.  I've been riding for years with my seat too low because I couldn't deal with not having my feet flat on the ground when I was stopped.  I was also afraid of having to ride way hunched over and hurting my back.  A couple of weeks ago, though, I let myself get talked into raising the seat and it makes such a difference.  And I have less knee pain too.  Plus, all the things I was afraid of turned out to be non-issues.

The agency I teach for screwed up last week and advertised my morning class as a four day class, instead of a five, which meant that I ended up with a free morning on Friday.  It was nice, because it gave me time to do some other things around the house.

It's junk set out week in the neighborhood!  A couple of times a year, residents can set out large objects that are too much for regular trash pick up to handle.  It's a good time to be a junker, as long as you're persistent!  More curb-shopping goes on during these times than one can easily imagine.

You are actually supposed to set out the Friday-Saturday-Sunday before your week.  We had some broken down planters and yard stuff that I really wanted GONE.  And now they are sitting at the curb, waiting for Public Works, the pickers or the scrappers, whoever gets there first.  All the metal stuff has already been grabbed by the scrappers.  There wasn't really that much.  Of the rest, I can't imagine we'll get picked too heavily, but you never know.

It's good to have that job done, because I missed the set out in May.  It's kind of like making an offering at the curb, so the junking gods will treat you kindly.  They've been good to me recently, so I wanted to be good back.

Now, even though you're not supposed to start setting out until 5 p.m. on Friday the weekend before your pick up week, the reality is that people jump the gun all over the place.  Piles have been popping up here and there all week, and I've been digging through them.  It's been mostly real crap.  The early stuff never yields too much.

But, on Friday morning, we did find a nice dresser and a cute end table.  The end table needs some finishing work, but I can sell it as a project-in-the-making.  It's still really sweet and has some great tiles on it.  And free is always good, huh?

The dresser had a paint smear on it that came right off, but was in otherwise great shape and went right to YesterNook.  I'm still nervous about dealing with anything that big, so we'll see what happens.

The coolest part of the whole deal had to be the guy who was hauling stuff out of the house to the curb, who first told us to "take all we wanted."  And then started coming out and offering us stuff.  We got a wireless router tossed into the deal.  Quite a change from my last round of curb picking!

I also found a 1953 copy of Morals and Dogma, a bunch of vintage booklets and pamphlets, plus some fun smalls and a few other books.

No matter how long you do it, there's just no way to get ready for the highs and lows of the junk business.  I'd been having a killer week at both spots--sold a desk on Monday at the Peddlers Mall, a coffee table on Tuesday at YesterNook, plus more large items at PM--when, BLAM!  It hits!  The lull.  The low.  The crash. The burn.  Wednesday brought no sales at YN and only .59 at PM.  Oh the humanity!  And then the rest of the week at PM was killer!  You just never know.  On the one hand,  it makes me totally nuts.  On the other hand, it's one of the things I love about the whole crazy business!

I updated my profile, if you hadn't noticed.  Nothing drastic.  I just adjusted the age thing so I don't have to update every year.  I still have some time to be a "late-forty-something!"  And I finally changed the cats from two to three.  It's been a year now.  Sigh.  (Every time I go back to look for the link to that post, I start crying. I may never get over this one.)

This is the last week for one of the part-time gigs.  I won't have any work from them until probably February.  On the one hand, that's a long period without one of my regular sources of income.  On the other hands, that's also a long period of time to work on some projects that I've got going on.  More word on these later.

How did it get to be so late in November already?  Wasn't it just my birthday, which comes at the beginning of the month?  Sheesh!  I've still got holiday stuff to dig out for both booths, plus outerwear to consign and sell.  And, next week--as in the week that comes right after this one--is Thanksgiving!

I'd better get rolling, so have a video of a big cat yawning in slo-mo.  Seems appropriate for a Monday, no?



Later!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

2010: A Year of Loss Part II: Bennie

On the one hand, we knew she was seventeen, which is old for a cat.  On the other hand, we never saw it coming.  One day there was a Bennie in our lives, and the next there wasn't.  The cancers that move so quick in humans, like they did with Mom, are even faster in felines, who are much smaller.

It just seemed like all of a sudden, she wasn't acting right.  It happened over a weekend.  Like most older kitties, she spent most of her time sleeping, moving between whatever lap she could find and the bed.  Keith had gone camping, and I started noticing that, while she was sleeping in the bed, something wasn't right.  She was all the way at the far edge, where she never laid before, like she was trying to move away from everyone else.  When a cat starts isolating herself like that, it's a sign of trouble.

She would still respond to me if I laid with her and petted her, making those big loud purrs she always did, so I wasn't totally sure, but it didn't feel right.  Then I realized she wasn't eating.  That took a bit longer to catch, since she never liked to eat with the boys, but eventually I realized that she wasn't getting out of bed at all.  I took her a few cat treats and she ate them, so I still wasn't sure.  Then on Sunday, I got a whiff of her breath.  Foul doesn't begin to describe it.

I told Keith what I was fearing when I got home, and on Monday, we got her an appointment for the next day.  When I picked her up to put her in her cage on Tuesday, the side of her face had swollen up.  It had not been like that when we had left that morning, but by the afternoon, she looked like a case of kitty mumps.  That actually made me feel a little better.  I started thinking that maybe it was a bad tooth, which would explain everything--the bad smell, the not eating, everything.  She had had dental problems before, so I knew this would be treatable.

Unfortunately, I was wrong.  We had forgotten to schedule her annual appointment in the spring because of the time needed to deal with Mom.  We kept talking about it all summer, but never did anything about it.  I will kick myself for the rest of my life for that.

The vet pointed out that she had lost half her body weight, which meant that something had been wrong for a while.  We were shocked.  We knew she had been eating--we'd seen her--we had no idea she'd been eating less and less.  They took a sample from the lump to do a biopsy, and gave us some canned food, pain meds, and an appetite stimulant to try.  While they were pretty sure it was cancer, they wanted to confirm so that we could discuss options.

We took her home.  She was really groggy from the shot they gave her before they took the sample, but she fell on that plate of soft food.  She ate and ate and ate.  I put more out a couple of times and only stopped because I didn't want her to eat so much she threw up.  So much for the appetite stimulant.  To think, I'd been prepared to force feed her.  She fell asleep right by the plate.

The next morning, she had moved to the bedroom, but was turned so she wasn't facing anyone.  She didn't want to be touched and it was obvious that she was suffering terribly.  She wouldn't even look at the same food she had devoured the night before.  I gave her the pain meds, helped her get as settled as possible, told her I loved her and that as soon as I got back from work, I was going to talk to Keith about putting her down.  It was unbearable to leave her like that, but I had no one to take over my class, so I had to go.  Before Keith could get home from work, she had passed away.

I'm glad she got to go at home, but I hate that she died alone.  As long as I live, I'll never know if we handled that one right.  There are way too many "what if's" and "if only's."

One of the worst parts about the whole ordeal was fighting the urge to pick up the phone and call Mom and let her know.  I inherited the cat lady gene from her, and we talked each other through lots of pet loss over the years.  She loved Bennie.  (How could she not?)   I knew she'd want to know.

There was no Bennie and no Mom to call and tell about it.  So all of a sudden, I can't just grieve my sweet little kitty.   I've got yet another reason to grieve my mother.  2010 was a year of more tears than I ever thought I would shed.

Yet as hard as it's been on me, it's been worse on Keith.  Bennie and her sister Basil were our first kitties.  We got them right after we moved in together.  Two kitties.  Two people.  It was kind of predestined that one of them would bond with each of us.  Basil was "my" kitty.  Bennie was "his." Basil acted like I had given birth to her.  Bennie just seemed to always want to be with Keith.  She would sit on his feet, his lap, his legs, his shoulder, anywhere she could get.

One of the thoughts I had when we lost Basil was that I wished so bad I could spare him from having that same pain whenever it was Bennie's turn.  I tried, but I know I failed.  I can see that look on his face when we suddenly remember something she used to do or think we've caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of an eye.  Seventeen years is a long time to share with a cat.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Updates

I guess it’s time for some words and some thoughts about stuff that’s going on. I’m in the lull between my birthday celebrations and Thanksgiving madness. My brother is going to be here tonight to deal with some of Mom's stuff. We leave for Keith's mother's in a few days. I spent most of last week house sitting. It's not really been that much of a "lull."

One thing I learned from my mother is that your birthday really should stretch until the next weekend, which is the way I’ve always tried to do it. My typical birthday modus operandi of hitting every thrift in town, and then some, had a different twist this year. First off, I had no money. Secondly, my thrifting these days is all about finding stuff for the booth, not for me, although I still do pick up a few things here and there that are not intended for resale. Due to these factors, I opted to hit a selected group of thrifts, as opposed to all of them.

I also took a short, but special, trip last weekend. I’ll write more about that later.

Anyway, back to the updates. The bright, crisp days of Fall are upon us. So are the cool, overcast days of Fall. It’s time to break out the outer wear, test the heater, put the warm blanket on the bed, and buy the fixings for hot chocolate and chili.

This is my favorite time of year, and not just because of the old birthday. It’s the time to cram your last days of outdoor activities in before the cold weather starts driving us all indoors. The upcoming holiday season puts a feeling of anticipation and excitement in the air. Spices and baking are eminent. Get ready.

The sunny days are bright enough to make you happy and active, the briskness is such a nice change from heat and humidity, and the overcast days are gloomy enough to bring on some melancholy, but not real sadness. It's like a seasonal respite between the miserable, sticky last days of summer and the upcoming cold and achiness of the winter.

I'm enjoying it immensely.

We went camping last weekend in October. It'll probably be my last trip for the year. I'm not a cold weather camper. Keith will go in the winter, but I'll opt to stay indoors where the warm things are.

We had a good time. Finally getting some rain in the area means that we're finally getting some bursts of fall color. It was cool enough that our pot of chili and spiced wine made the perfect evening combo. It was just a lot of fun.

I've discovered a new use for the blog: dropping hints for gifts! Both the Old 97's CD and the Belinda Carlisle memoir made it my way for my birthday. Pretty cool. Thanks, Keith. I wasn't intending for it to work that way, but it's a nice surprise.

The Old 97's are excellent as always. Saving the book for trip reading. Will have more to say on both later.

The election here was a nail-biter. We returned a strong, unabashedly liberal Democrat to the House, lost the chance to reclaim a Senate seat, and chose the first mayor in decades whose last name doesn't begin with an "A." I have some thoughts about the mayoral stuff for later, but I will say that it's so nice to know that the good people of my state chose to honor Jim Bunning by filling his congressional seat with someone equally as out of touch.

Got tons and tons to do around here before we leave. Hell, make that: before Danny gets here. It's going to be a wild week. I'm taking my laptop with me on the trip and I'll be making some updates from the road. I've got a lot planned for the rest of the year.

The one hard thing about Fall this year is not seeing Mom. We tended to see each other more at the end of the year than any other time due to the holidays. Keith and I always have a Thanksgiving for us here on Thanksgiving Day and another one a couple of days after for us and my mom. It was kind of weird planning only one feast the other day.

it was also strange not calling her on my birthday. Since I turned 40, I'd been calling her and telling her that she was now old enough to have a son who was whatever age I just turned. Couldn't do that this year. It's those little traditions that are all out of whack.

I'm still fighting the urge just about every day to pick up the phone and tell her that Bennie died. It's not right that she doesn't know. We've talked each other through pet deaths for years. She knew Bennie since her kitten days.

We got Bennie's ashes back from the vet and they did them up right. They are using a different company than before, so she came back in a small black velvet bag that had been placed in a nice red wooden box. I've always wanted to do something like that with Basil and Brianna's ashes, but have never been able to bear opening the cardboard boxes we got them back in. I'm glad Bennie was able to get the special treatment.

After fifteen or so years, ATT and I have parted ways on the email front. ATT was my first ISP in the early days. When we went to DSL, they weren't offering it in town yet, so Keith and I both switched to another company that did. I kept the ATT email going through a deal they have where you pay a smaller fee and all you have with them is an email address. I just didn't want to go through the hassle of changing it, given the number of places I used it.

Well, Thursday my email account was suspended because I forgot to update my billing card with them. I called the number they provided on their site to reinstate it and was told that I couldn't reinstate just an email account. I had to order full service. I explained that I didn't need service, just the email address. Person on the phone said they had never heard of that kind of arrangement and that there was no record of an account with my email on it in their system. That pissed me off, given that I'd been paying for almost ten years to keep that address.

So, I decided "to heck with them." It's time for a change. Which means that, on top of everything else, I'm also trying to notify folks and services with my new email address. I lost a lot of my info when the account was suspended, so if you're a correspondent of mine, leave me a note in the comments and I'll send you the new address.

Saturday, November 06, 2010

The Cosmic Balance Must Be Preserved!

Eddie-tor's note: I had this post prepped and scheduled several weeks ago, well before Bennie got sick and passed away. I thought about deleting it, but just couldn't. I edited the post a bit, but I want to let it stand as a tribute to her.

The Lords of Chaos and Order must stand in balance. If there is a Mean Kitty Song for Chiquito, then, lo, there must be a Sweet Kitty Song for Bennie. In her memory, at least.



Honestly, throughout her whole life, the only thing she ever did that she wasn't supposed to was pick on Brianna, our Himalayan. (And it was Basil, her sister, who always instigated that.) She was the most perfect kitty that ever existed.*

*except that she never learned how to cover her poop.