Thoughts from a Scan

I had my scan yesterday.  I'll get results next week.  Getting a scan is a lengthy process.  If you've never done one, you would think they just shove you in the machine, yank you out, and that is that.

In actuality, it takes about two and a half hours for the full body scan, which is what I get.  First off, you have to do all the prep stuff:  blood sugar check, isotope injection, and contrast consumption.  The contrast is gross-tasting, like an off-flavor Tang.  After that, there's a wait for the contrast and the isotope to get all over your insides, so they'll be all glowy and stuff for the scan.  Bear in mind, that while this is happening, you are very aware that you haven't eaten for HOURS.

The scan itself takes about 40 minutes, or at least mine do.  They do two scans on me.  The first is a head/neck scan, which is the short scan.  This is followed by the rest of the body, which is longer, and also requires that I hold my arms above my head, which makes it seem a lot longer.  My shoulders are always so stiff that I can barely lower them when it's over.  I do have to admit that this part is a lot more bearable since the steroids came into my life.

That's a lot of time just laying around, doing nothing, which means that I start getting bored, which means that my mind starts to wander on to all kinds of bizarre things.  If I actually got around to typing all the blog posts I have drafted in my head during my scans, you all would either think I'm a genius or totally insane.  (As if you don't already.)

This time, however, there was a bit of a wrinkle.  I've been taking anti-biotics for the past week or so to finish off my post-Thanksgiving illness.  I took the last one today, so that's done.  Everything is cleared up, even the cough is gone.  I'm feeling good, but this process has not been without side effects.

To be blunt, the anti-biotics have made me...well...a little...gassy.

Now, I'm not talking blow-the-door off, clear-the-room all-out farts.  These are just little build ups of air in the gut that have to go somewhere.  Somewhere, as in outside of me.   Generally, it's just a bunch of tiny toots.  A bunch.  Usually these little spells last for several minutes and happen two or three times a day.  Since I took the last pill today, I'm expecting them to stop in a day or two.

Of course, one of these spells hits while I'm getting the scan.  As I'm sitting in the injection room, waiting for the contrast to take effect, I just start firing off a series of these little toots.  It lasts for about ten minutes or so and then it passes.  I'm alone in a closed room, so it's no big deal.

Until I get to the long scan.  And another spell hits.  I'm in the scanner.  The tech is in another room, running things.  These are the thoughts that result.

"I gotta fart."

"Should I fart?"

"Who would know?  Maybe I should fart."

"What if I accidentally move a little when I fart?  Would that mess up the scan?"

"I would hate to have to do this again, just because I farted."

"Surely I can fart without moving.  Don't most people?  I've never seen any fart wigglers. Or wiggly farters."

"What if I don't fart?  Will that show up on the scan?"

"I couldn't eat or drink, because that would show up on the scan.  Would a suppressed fart show up?"

"It's just a cloud of air in my gut.  Would a cloud of air show up? I guess it could make me look bloated."

"If I look bloated, would that be some sort of sign on the scan that could be misinterpreted?"

"I would hate to get bad news next week, just because I didn't fart."

"If I get bad news because I didn't fart, then I would have to tell them that I had to fart and didn't."

"I don't want to go to the cancer clinic and talk about my farts."

"Maybe this kind of thing happens all the time, and they can tell on the scan when someone needed to fart and didn't."

"Would that get noted in my file, where anyone could read it?"

"I would hate for all the interns to be looking at me and thinking: 'So this is the fart represser.'"

"How would I explain that to Chiquito?" 

"If I farted, and they could tell that, would that end up in my file?"

"Would people start watching me to see if I'm going to fart?"

"Nobody wants to be known as 'the farty dude.'"

"I'd rather be called 'Gassy Guy!'"

"That would be a good super-hero name."

"Just fart already and get this over with."

"I'm totally going to have to blog this."

In the end, I decided to fart.  We'll see what the result was next week.  I'm working on my Gassy Guy costume, just in case.

Now for something completely different!

I know it's supposed to be "Retro Y'all" day, and this is a kind of "Retro Y'all" post, but this isn't any ordinary Saturday.  No Siree!  It's.......

BATMAN DAY!

For real.  I wouldn't make that up.

So there's only one video that will work today.

You all should have known that was coming.  (I had such a crush on Burt Ward when I was a kid.)

There's a Batman Day giveaway with all kinds of Bat-swag, if you want to enter.  (And you know that my birthday is coming up....)

Here's a nice rundown of different approaches to the character that gets what I consider to be the heart of the whole idea of The Batman.  It's not darkness or vengeance or crime or violence or even justice.  It's weirdness, plain and simple.  Everything about Batman is at the very least a little strange, if not outright silly.  The best incarnations take that inherent oddity and run with it, without caring what the fan-boys think.

So how am I celebrating this auspicious occasion?  Well, the only Batman attire I have is a pair of boxers, so I'm going to be wearing them today.  (I will wear other clothing in addition to said Bat-boxers.  It's Batman Day, not Fat, Middle- Aged Nerds in their Undies Day.  That takes place every Sunday in my living room.  TMI?)

Actually, I do have a Batman T-shirt, but I have no idea where it is.  I think it might be hiding out with the missing socks from the dryer.  I probably need to get on the Bat-phone and get some assistance in cracking that case.  I'm sure the Bat-Computer could find it with no problem.

There's probably no better way to celebrate such a day than with a trip to the comic shop, so I guess I'll be heading over there.  Especially since it's also nerd herd sidewalk sale day!  Last one of the year, in fact.  Been selling comics like crazy lately, so I need to lay in a stash for the winter.  I've got a small one, but I think I need some more.

I'll close out with a really good article about the problems of trying to evolve and develop the Batman mythos in a corporate culture that has come to view him as a cash cow to sell movie tickets and video games, rather than a vehicle for lasting stories.  The idea these days seems to be that they'll just throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks as far as the comics go, and when the crap stops sticking, then they'll just "reboot" with a new first issue.  As long as the box office is big, who cares?

That whole line of thinking is (yet) another reason why I have no stomach for modern super-hero comics any more.  If you're keeping track, that's like the third or fourth one I've shared.  Maybe I should make a check list.  How can you collect the set if you don't have a check list?

Of course, the truly wonderful thing about fictional characters is that you can pick and choose which version(s) you like and ignore the rest.  This Batman Day, I'm celebrating:

• The Adam West TV Show Batman
• Any animated version of Batman
• Manga Batman
• Batman in the 70's and 80's comics I bought as a kid
• Batman from the 30's, 40's, 50's and 60's stories that I read in reprints as a kid
• George Clooney Batman (I pride myself on being pretty much the only person in the known universe who loved that movie.)

Someone else can celebrate the other versions.

By the way, I found out about this too late to do a post about it, but yesterday was National Comic Book Day.  (Not sure who decides these things.)  I read some comics to celebrate.  Now, will someone please tell me when Wonder Woman Day is?  Also National Spring Roll Day.  I really need to celebrate that one.  A lot.

January Sales Break Down

What a month January turned out to be!  If there was ever a month that underscored how unpredictable and erratic this business can be, it was January 2012.  I went from the highest highs to the lowest lows, from looking pretty god to looking pretty bleak back to pretty good again by the end of the month.  Honestly, at one point, I was looking at one of the potentially worst months ever, and in a few days, everything was completely reversed.  While it didn't turn into the best month ever, the situation did right itself and I came out pretty well in the end.

Let's break it down a bit:

PEDDLERS MALL

I really defied conventional wisdom here.  While my booth was looking its worst and I was really neglecting it due to my illness, my sales were strong.  I sold a bunch of stuff that had been just sitting there for ages.  I even sold one of my display shelves that I had grown to HATE.  I was even still selling Christmas stuff.

Then, when I got better and got the place whipped into shape--seriously, it was looking really good--everything died. I had a week where I didn't break 10 bucks once.  Not. One. Single. Day.  I never had a goose egg, but came pretty damn close.  And, then, just when I was at the point of despair, sales came roaring back in with a vengance:  fifty dollar days, forty dollar days, a nearly hundred dollar day.  And the month got pulled back from the brink of hopelessness.

So, I ended up pretty well off.  It still could have been better, though.  The sucky week meant that I came in between 100-150 lower than I should have. 

I also remembered, when reviewing the monthly print out from the store, that I had bought three shelves for the booth one night when I didn't have any cash on me.  They were nice shelves, and a good buy, and I needed them, and I'll be able to sell one (maybe two) of them at YesterNook later and make more than my money back, but since I didn't have the cash for it, I advanced it out of my sales for them month, which means I lopped 30 bucks of my monthly total my own self.  Dumb move, that.  I try to stay away from advances at all costs. 

But considering the alternatives, I'm pretty pleased overall.  And, now that it seems like tax return season is upon us, I'm hopeful for a good February and March.

YESTERNOOK

YesterNook continues the pattern of staying all over the place, as far as sales are concerned.  I'm still having days with no sales whatsoever--there were three in January.  I'm still having too many days with single digit sales--at least 11 (!), just based on a quick scan of my sales sheet.  And then there are days that are flat out spectacular.  What I don't have is any kind of a reasonable expectation.

With the Peddler's Mall, I know, based on history, that I can reasonably expect that 75-80% of the days in any given month will be at a certain level or above.  I'll have a few below that mark, and I cannot always be certain how far above it things will go, but I can identify a baseline. 

Not so with YesterNook.  At this point, the only thing I can say with certainty is that there is nothing I can say with certainty.  Maybe I still need some more time to acquire data, but I feel like I'm missing something and I cannot put my finger on it.

There is some kind of an "X factor" that comes into play when you move up from a more flea market style of environment to a store like YesterNook, and I'll be damned if I can identify it, at this point anyway.

And, despite all of the above, I had the best month ever there in January.  In fact, it's the first one that has come close to meeting the goals that I had set for the booth when I first started.  Looking at some of the numbers on some of the days, it should not have been possible, but somehow it happened.

Another curiosity is furniture.  This is the first month when furniture actually comprised a significant portion--almost half--of the total sales.  This is after having no significant furniture sales in December at all.  And, yet, December managed to come close to equaling November's sales, when there was some furniture sold.  So, based on the previously demonstrated strength of my smalls, it seems like a strong furniture month would really boost the final tally. Instead, my smalls sales actually decreased in January.

One of the things I've learned about sales is that your best days aren't made up solely of sales of your big ticket items.  Typically, the best days have a lot of sales of your smallest and cheapest items, combined with a lesser number of your mid-priced smalls, and a few of your higher-priced smalls, finished off with one (maybe two) truly large, truly big ticket item.  The YesterNook patterns are nowhere near this.

So, basically, what it boils down to is that YesterNook remains a curious beast that requires further study before I'll truly have a handle on it.  As long as I can keep having months like I had in January, I'm willing to keep on trying to solve the mystery.