Saturday, December 06, 2008

Merry Christmas Bennie, Kosh, and Chiquito!

We had to board all the cats yesterday, so we could have some stuff done on the house without worrying about them getting out. None of them like these little ventures to the vet, especially Bennie, who sits in her cage and does the feline version of cursing at us the whole way there. You don't have to speak feline to know when your sweet, stripey little baby is telling you to let her out of the fucking cage or there will be hell to pay.

We're about to go pick them up, which means another car ride with Bennie in her cage telling us to go fuck ourselves. Honestly, the mouth on that girl. She didn't learn it from me, I swear. This will be followed by a period of hiding from us every time we move, lest we lose our minds again and shove them back in their cages.

Next will come the shunning, which is something to be experienced. You know you've pissed off your cat when he comes room, looks right at you, sits in the middle of the floor and turns his back to you. Nobody pouts like a cat, I'm telling you. Kosh and Bennie both can be prone to drama, so sometimes we have absolutely no idea why we're being shunned, only that one of them has some sort of beef with the management.

Somewhere in here will come the acting out. Kosh and Chiquito will get into a fight or two and run wild through the house. Then they'll jump on Bennie. This is their way of showing us how upset they are. "Look what you made me do. You put me in the cage and took me to that place, so I just have to be bad right now. It's your fault. Yes, it is. Not me. You." That's what they're saying.

Finally will come the clinging. No lap will be empty and Kosh will climb into someone's arms to be held. There will be lots of purring and rubbing and stroking. This is actually the bargaining stage. "If I love you lots and lots and never, ever let you out of my sight, then please please please don't ever do that to me again."

Yes, there's nothing like the after effects of cat trauma. Really.

So, in an effort to appease the furry little critters, I'm offering this gift of a video about a guy who maybe loves cats a little too much. Kind of like a couple of grown men who shall remain nameless.

Merry Christmas, babies!

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