Sunday, November 03, 2013

It's Off, Baby (sorta...)

I have failed you my grasshoppers!  It apprears there will be no live blogging of any of my Birthday Junking Extravaganza Activities.  I had not counted on two things:

1.  I had not installed a blogging app on my phone to make it easier to do.  I was also unaware that I had not done this.

2.  Most of the places we went were a bit of a bust, in terms of writing and pics and (most importantly) finds.

I could have easily remedied the first and intended to, but after going to two church sales that were only kind of mediocre, I got really discouraged about it.


I did find a few things here and there and had a ball hanging out with Keith, but nothing was blog-worthy, except for this one place, which was also the kind of place where it was a little too risky to take pictures.

It's the kind of place I refer to as a "Deliverance Yard Sale" after, well, this.  You never quite know if you're going to come out of those places in one piece.

The listing was fairly mundane.  A used furniture place that I had never heard of was closing and moving out of town, so everything was on sale cheap.  We get to the place and it's in one of those industrial/commercial centers.  You know, with the nondescript corrugated metal buildings housing all kinds of different businesses?

We park and as soon as we get out of the car, there is this hulking young dude right there kind of loudly, berating us for not parking closer to the door.  Keith moves the car to please him and I go on in the place.  Hulking Young Dude (HYD) says to me:  "You look kind of young, but you have all this white hair.  What's up with that?" graces are not high on the list of positives here.  Honestly, I'm so flabbergasted by the statement that I really don't know how to respond, so I kind of stammer out that I'm getting ready to turn 49.  So as we enter the store, HYD yells out (yes YELLS):  "Hey look at this guy.  He says he's 49, but he looks so young!"  Um...thanks...I think.  Which prompts the other equally loud members of his family to all look and start remarking about my ever so youthful appearance to each other.  I almost made a remark about this amazing portrait I keep in my attic, but decided against it.

Instead, I go to looking at stuff and realize a couple of things:

1.  They may say that they are a used furniture store, but this place is full of all kinds of crap...most of it pretty crappy.  Imagine the American Pickers pulling up at one of the Hoarders houses.

2.  This may be a commercial complex, but there people are living here.  It looks lived in.  It smells lived in.  One of the residents uses a litter box, which hasn't been scooped in a while.  What are supposed to be offices are set up like rooms, with beds and couches that it is pretty obvious people have been sleeping on for a while.  And all of this stuff is "for sale."  Um, yeah.

In one of the rooms someone has written the following on the wall:

"I live here.
This is my mother.
This is my husband."

There were also phone numbers written there.  I was too freaked out to try and snap a pic.  Plus, HYD has taken a shine to Keith and is following us from room to room trying to sell us something.

Finally, he says that there is more stuff in the garage, which is next to the offices.  I step in there and find a school desk I like, while Keith finds an air mattress.  Most stuff is unmarked, but the desk says 10 dollars on it.  I decide to barter a bit, plus I need to find out the price for the mattress.  Everything else out there is pure crap.

So I go back into the other part and ask who I can ask questions to.  HYD has disappeared, but his sister (?) Pierced Lip Girl (PLG) is there, along with "Mama" (who to this point, I have not noticed.)  PLG says that she can help me, but first I have to clear up this matter of my age.  Really?  I assure that I am indeed nearly 49.  I also decide that if she asks for ID, then I am out of there!

Fortunately, she doesn't.  So I ask about the price of the mattress.  She says she has to ask "Mama."  Turns out, she'll do this for everything I ask.  I thought she said she could answer my questions?

Anyway, "Mama" says that the air mattress is ten.  I offer five.  She takes it.  Then I ask about the desk.  Will they take five?  "Mama" hems and haws a bit, then says she will.  PLG goes to check me out.

At this point, I finally notice "Mama" who is sitting behind the counter surfing the net.  She's a very large woman in a top that is, well, slightly smaller than she needs.  Certain things are obviously just waiting to break forth and wiggle about freely.  While I'm watching she cues up a Joan Jett video, and she and PLG begin to sing along and dance, which they continue to do for the entire time PLG is ringing me up.  The dancing doesn't help the too small top keep the too large parts contained very well.  There is a serious wardrobe malfunction on the verge of happening!

I grabbed my change.  Keith grabbed the stuff.  And we got the hell out of there!

And that would certainly be the most memorable part of this weekend's adventures.


Shara said...

Well then. Jiggly, huh? What a day! You need a Facebook page for your blog, then you can post quick things when they happen. I have the Blogger App, but I have never had the gumption to try and tap out an entire post.

Lynn said...

I can only live precariously through you as I stayed home all day and did boring things like housework and working on some ornaments for a craft show I'm doing. Thanks for the laughs!!

Kathleen said...

You sure can pick 'em, Eddie!

Roger Owen Green said...

Well, happy birthday anyway!

Judy said...

Ah Eddie, I needed a good laugh after missing my 5 church sales last weekend. I could hear the theme from Deliverance as I read... wow what a place.