Tuesday, January 08, 2013

TEATS! (And a quandry...)

This is a picture of the kind of post-surgery drains that I have in right now.  Obviously, I'm using a representative pic, instead of an actual pic of mine, which have drippy stuff in them.  Ew!

Hopefully by tomorrow, they'll be gone, because they are annoying the heck out of me.  They dangle.  They tug.  They pinch.  And they hurt at the point were they are inserted in my chest.  I have to sleep on my back to keep them from pinching.  I have to "strip" them a couple of times a day to keep gunk from building up in the tubes--and that really hurts!  I'll be glad when it's all over.

I have two them, which I refer to as my "rubber teats."  That is kind of an homage to a line from this film.  It's not in that trailer, by the way and I couldn't find what I wanted to use on YouTube, but I had to mention it, because it is such a good movie.

Totally gross bit:  when my surgery doc visited me for the first time after the procedure, he looked my teats (and the stuff that was draining in them) and said:  "That's the kind of kool-aidy color we want to have in those."   I simply cannot look at my afternoon glass of sugar-free Wyler's fruit punch in the same way any more!  Thanks, doc!

I've named them "Agnes and the Earth Mother."  There's just something about having a dangly pair of rubber teats that makes me think of Romulus and Remus.  I thought about calling them "Agnes and the Wolf-Mother," but I liked the sound of "Earth-Mother" better.  It's also not quite so literal.  I almost used "Angus" instead of "Agnes" just to be kind of contrary, but I could not figure out what I was being contrary about, so I didn't.  I nearly went with "Isis and the Earth-Mother" but decided that was too many overtly feminine spirituality references for one pair of teats.  By the way, they are always referred to in the collective, as "Agnes and the Earth Mother."  Never separately.  That is the rule.

No, I'm not typing any of this while on my pain meds.  Why would you ask?

Obviously, this naming thing is kind of important.  Nigel and Sixtus had names.  Agnes and the Earth Mother have names.  I'm getting ready to have a tremendous, dramatic scar once my staples are removed.  (Still not sure when that will be, but I want to be prepared.)  I'm having a hard time coming up with a name for it.

Naming things is kind of a thing in my family.  My mother and I gave all kinds of things all kinds of names.  So do Keith and I.  If it exists, and is going to play a part in my life for an extended period of time, I believe it ought to have a name.

I don't want anything to obvious or cliche here.  "Frankenstein" or "Franken-anything" is kind of right out.  So is "Slash" or "Scar."  I want something creative and unique.  I'm going to have to live with this sucker for the rest of my life, so I want to name him up right.  Or her.  Lately, I've sort of started thinking of the scar as "Beverly," for no particular reason.  I'm certainly not settled on that yet.  Something cool would be good, as would something with hidden significance or meaning. 
I'm still pondering the whole deal, but was wondering if anyone had any suggestions?

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